Chewing the Fat in the Pedestrian Zone
or Sidewalk Café Philosophers Have a Go at It
Herbert Kuhner
Characters:
Kuno Knöbl, author, former TV entertainment chief
and “troublemaker” in the best possible sense.
Kurt Pollak, author, charming raconteur and gay blade.
Harry Kuhner, author and cultural public enemy number one.
Location: sidewalk café in the Kutschkergasse pedestrian zone
in the Eighteenth District of Vienna.
Here’s a typical repartee:
Scene One:
Kuno: God is dead.
Harry: No! That’s all wrong.
Kuno: It’s wrong!? What’s wrong about it?
Harry: God can’t be dead. Because if He were dead, it would mean that he had been alive.
In order to die, you have to live.
Kuno: That’s not what Nietzsche meant.
I don’t care what he meant. I take a statement at face value. Dead is dead, and alive is alive. And you can’t be dead without having been alive. To say that God does not exist may not be as dramatic as using the word “dead,” but the statement says what it says, and you don’t have to interpret it. I favor clarity over histrionics. As far as I’m concerned, there never was such a Being, so he couldn’t have died.
Kurt: I’m a believer.
Harry: That’s great. It takes all kinds. More power to you!
Kurt: I’d be careful about what you say. You could be punished for denying Him!
Harry: That’s what my aunt used to tell me. And she was right. I have been punished.
Scene Two:
Harry: Just yesterday I was walking in the city, and bam, I got a knock on the head. I turned around and looked, but there was no one there.
Kurt: I told you to be careful!
Kuno: Do you know that the Jews introduced monotheism to the world?
Kurt: Isn’t that great!
Harry: No, I don’t think it is. Who needs monotheism? And what’s it to you Kuno? First you tell me that God is dead, and now you’re lauding the Jews for inventing Him. You’re an atheist, so what do you care? Did the world become a better place after the introduction of one Deity? I rather doubt it. I prefer the Greek pantheism. The Gods are just like men with all their flaws and foibles, except that they are immortal. The God of the Bible is perfect, i.e. flawless. In other words: worse than human. When he tells the Hebrews to wipe out a rival tribe, it has to be done. That’s what’s known as a religious excuse for imperialism. The Bible is completely deadbeat. Nothing but guilt and breast-beating. The Greek poets must have had a lot of fun writing those wonderful stories; they didn’t have to believe them. The Biblical prophets were grim and didn’t have any fun at all, and if they caught anyone enjoying himself, or herself, they stoned him, or her, to death.
No thanks I say, I’ll take the Greeks anytime.
Kurt: No wonder you got that knock!
Kuno: You’re so hot about ancient Greece, but did you forget that Greek society was homosexually orientated. How would you have like living in such a society?
Harry: How wonderful! Imagine, all those women hungry for love. I’d have had the time of my life! More power to ancient Greece!
